


Dog in the Window

by deathmarkedlove_archivist



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-29
Updated: 2007-01-29
Packaged: 2019-01-10 18:14:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12304842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathmarkedlove_archivist/pseuds/deathmarkedlove_archivist
Summary: There is a fine line between mortal enemies and friends at times.





	Dog in the Window

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Hils, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Death-Marked Love](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Death-Marked_Love). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the Death-Marked Love collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/deathmarkedlove/profile).

"How much is that dog, in the window? (arf, arf! )

The one with the waggly tail. . .

How much is that dog, in the window? (arf, arf! )

I do hope that dog’s, for sale! "

"Is she awake? "

"I think she was singing. "

"What? What are you talking about? "

"I swear, I heard her-"

"Now everybody move! Give her some breathing room! "

Buffy Summers coughed a few times, mumbling a tune and gradually opening her eyes.

"I told you she was singing. . . "

"Shh! She’s awake! "

Buffy blinked, dazed, at the people crowded around her bed. Bed?

She was in a room with four very blank walls, cold tile floors, a bed with white sheets. . .

Oh. Duh. A hospital room.

"Wh-. . . mom? "

"Yeah, sweetie, right here. "

Buffy crinkled her nose upon recognizing Xander’s mocking voice.

"What’s going on? "

"Buffy, " a man that she only realized now was Giles said,

"Try to relax. You were in pretty bad shape when we found you. "

Buffy slowly absorbed the setting around her and took note of what she knew. She was in a hospital bed. Giles and Xander were here. Wait. Looks like everyone was here. Yeah, the whole gang. And she had been in bad shape when they found her.

Buffy groaned. "Oh, God, Giles, what did I do this time? "

"Well, to tell you the truth, Buffy, we were hoping you could fill us in on that. "

Her head felt very fuzzy, like it was swimming. Faint, weak. . .

"I don’t know. I still am kinda fuzzy. Can you tell me what you know? What happened to me? "

Giles shot a glance to the rest of the group that Buffy didn’t see.

"Well. . . "

"Well what? "

The man seemed uncertain of how to continue.

"We found you in the forest. Very bad shape. . . "

Somebody sighed as Giles drifted off again.

"We found you and Spike covered head to foot just about in blood, on the ground of the forest right by your house, in each other’s arms and unconscious. "

Buffy blinked, first only comprehending the fact that it was Willow who had just spoken. Then some of the words started to sink in.

"Wh-what? ! "

"You’re gonna blow her brain by doing that, Will. "

"Look, you don’t need to remember anything right now. You need your rest. I’m sorry I let them bother you-"

"Woah, Giles, hold on. Why don’t you run that by me just one more ti-"

But Giles was now shooing everyone out of her room.

"Go on, give her room, she needs to recover. "

Buffy calmly waited for everyone to leave, much to their protest, and Giles approached her bed again.

"Your mother will be here shortly. We weren’t certain if it was safe or not, but it all looks clear. Just try and get some rest, we can talk about what happened when you’re ready. "

"I’m ready now, Giles. I want to try and remember. Tell me exactly what you know. "

Her Watcher sighed and took a seat at the chair by her bed.

"All right. "

As the Watcher started explaining to Buffy exactly how they found her and all they knew, she felt the memories come back like knives in the chest.

"You remember something? " he said, midway through his explanation. She nodded.

"Yeah. . . . oh, yesterday. . . I was. . . oh Jeez. . . "

"You’re confused. It’s going to come back in a jumble. Slow down a bit. "

Buffy closed her eyes and mentally willed herself to slow down and stop stuttering. Yes, the memories were coming back now, in a more clear and timely fashion.

"Ok, ok. I’m remembering now. I think I got it. "

"Start at the beginning. "

She took a sharp intake of air, and started to talk.

"Yesterday night. I went out to patrol on my own. I wasn’t in the mood for company. Had a lot on my mind. Yeah. I was angry. . . . "

"Angry about what? "

"Lots of things. Mostly Spike, though. . . . "

\------------------

"Jerk! "

Buffy Summers kicked a sapling down. She was not in the best of moods, and was working herself into a tantrum as she stomped through the night on patrol, lost in her anger.

"Blood-sucking. . . ugh! "

*SNAP*!

This carried on in similar fashion for the next half hour, cursing into the night and taking her rage out on the shadows and the plants, wishing she would run into some killer demon so she could kick it’s ass.

She was just sick of it. Sick, and tired, of being hounded by a lovesick vampire, who now foolishly professed his "love" whenever he got the chance. That bastard, he didn’t even know what love was. How dare he even claim such things. It was disgusting.

She cried out in fury again as she whipped through the tree branch. Why was she still so mad about this? She had whipped herself into such a fury that she was shaking. Quivering with unreleased anger. It knotted up her stomach and it was driving her insane. She needed something to kill. Soon.

\-------------------

He walked with slow, deliberate steps, his head slumped. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. It was 3:00. 3:00 used to be his finest hour. He had the best times during 3:00 in the morning. The moon was usually it’s highest in the sky then, casting an eerie glow on the sleeping Sunnydale. The coolness of the night had sunk into the land, so you could smell it everywhere. The world truly was his. People usually were the most deepest in sleep during that hour. As unsuspecting as they got. He could simply pick and choose, totally at his whim.

But he couldn’t hunt anymore. He couldn’t do anything. He was screwed. He was bloody well screwed up.

What he needed was a stiff drink. A drink to forget. Forget about the fact that last week he had been brutally shot down, again-

"Headed somewhere? "

Shit. The bleach-blonde vampire looked up from his moping. He had run right into a gang of his own kind. Which normally wouldn’t be something for him to worry about. But ever since the local demons caught wind of the fact that he’d started helping fight "The Good Fight", he no longer was Mr. Popularity.

He smiled smugly, attempting to act his way out.

"Hey, guys. Just out for a stroll. Lovely evening-"

"For a bit of fun, eh? " an especially large and ugly demon he hadn’t noticed stepped up to him. Obviously the leader of the pack.

"Sorry, didn’t have that in mind for tonight. " He said scornfully in it’s face, but was rapidly starting to get concerned. The vamps around him started to shift closer, preparing to make their move, as their leader continued.

"You didn’t, did ya? Well isn’t that a shame…damn shame. Because see, we already have something planned out for ya. "

Spike watched the mob out of the corner of his eye.

"’Outta my way, I’m not in the mood for games, " he snarled.

The demon in front of him seemed to take his time and called to his group.

"Hey, guys. Ya hear that? ’Ee says he’s not in the mood for games. "

It chuckled a disgusting laugh, and turned to look back at Spike.

"Guess you better get in the mood, pal. "

Suddenly the vampire saw stars behind his eyes as a very thick, spiked club struck his head. He shouted and fell to the ground.

\------------------

Buffy’s keen senses picked up some noises coming from not that far off. A-ha, so we finally have found some activity tonight. She carefully crept up to were the sounds came from.

Peering through several gnarled oaks, she spotted a very large mob of vampires. They seemed to be in some sort of tussle. She eyed a big, horned, green-skinned demon with a large spiked club, the only non-vampire of the lot. While she was considering whether she could take him on, plus the massive amounts of vampires in the group, she heard a familiar call and gasped.

"Ow! Bloody hell! Get off me, you-" whUMP!

"Hey! " she cried angrily, causing many of the demons to jerk in surprise. They must of been too distracted to notice her before.

"Buffy? "

She finally saw, it was, indeed, Spike-with about a half a dozen vampires tearing at him while he looked up in surprise and cried out her name. Their eyes met a short moment.

Then the green demon hit the vamp upside the head with the club, sending him flying.

Seething with anger, Buffy charged recklessly at the lot of demons, screaming blood and vinegar.

"Only I can do that to him! ! "

Whumph! She turned the first vamp she met into dust and elbowed the second one who immediately had tried to grab her from behind.

She was screaming and stabbing with her steak like some kind of automated killing machine.

"He’s. . . . my. . . . punching bag! ! "

WHUMPH!

She screamed angrily as two vamps hauled her off her feet and she kicked fiercely with her legs to knock them off balance.

Damn it! If these stupid demons killed Spike, she was gonna hunt every single one down and personally torment them before they died! Killing him was her job!

Meanwhile Spike had his own problems. He desperately was trying to tear his way out of the ocean of enemies that piled over him.

It didn’t take long for Buffy to realize what a big mistake she had made. There were way too many here for her to take alone. Way, way too many. She really should of thought about that before charging them. But she had been too angry to think about it.

"Buffy! "

Spike had been trying to battle his way towards the Slayer. If he could reach her they’d have a better chance at survival than if separated. That was a simple fact. But he also was fearing for her life. There was way too many-

He gasped as he finally caught sight of her, realizing how it was far worse than he ever guessed. About two score vampires seemed to be clinging to her, holding her down, doing all they could to tear, punch, and bite her, while she was squirming and fighting like a madbeast, doing whatever she could to hurt her endless tormentors.

Spike charged at them with a furious growl, not paying any attention as to whether he killed the vamps he flung away, as long as he got to the center of the pile were the Slayer was.

Their combined efforts finally prevailed and all at once Buffy had floored Spike and was about to plunge her battle-worn steak into his dead heart.

"Woah, woah, hang on, Slayer! " he yelled, thinking that perhaps it was already too late for her to realize, but then she stopped and instead roughly grabbed his wrist and hauled him to his feet.

"Up, now, fight! " she spat, tossing the vampire a steak for his own.

He caught it and grinned.

"Can’t argue there. "

Now back-to-back the two faced their enemies, which surrounded them again in still alarming numbers.

They had a better time now working together, however, like Spike had predicted. Being able to watch each other’s backs made them able to fight in a smooth and coordinated fashion. Spike even started getting hope of getting out of this alive, as they dusted their way through the mob of vamps, when suddenly his world turned into pain-he had been pummeled in the stomach with insane force and now lay on the ground, paralyzed with pain. If he had any breath he would of had the wind knocked out of him for a week.

It had been the horned demon, who had barreled into the blonde vampire, and had no choice but to pay attention to the Slayer now, who was mercilessly attacking him.

Spike lay on the ground watching the two battle with his fuzzy vision, absolutely helpless to assist her.

He moaned as the demon knocked Buffy to the ground and began to pelt her with his heavy metal mallet, his blue eyes flashing like daggers, desperate to rise and beat the living crap out of the bastard who was hurting her, but still his whole body was frozen and washed over with an ocean of pain. He trying willing himself to rise, RISE damnit!

Buffy quickly rolled out of the way, as the mallet sunk into the Earth, preventing the demon from striking her further. She quickly got to her feet but her enemy was all over her again, and she hardly had enough time to avoid getting hit, let alone counterattack.

When Spike heard Buffy cry out, he thought that was it. The demon had her. She violently fell to the ground, that bastard demon raising the mallet as if to make sure the job was done.

Buffy watched with her failing vision, crumpled on the ground as the massive demon loomed over her, raising his spiked weapon to finish her off. This was it. This was the end. She was going to go out because of some-

Suddenly the beast before her halted, shuttered terribly, and his blood-red eyes clouded pinkish-and he whumped and collapsed, lifeless.

As it’s bulky form dropped to the ground, there was Spike, his wooden steak burred into the back of the demon’s neck. The vampire’s teeth were grit and he was panting, still wearing his game face, of course.

"Spike! " Buffy tried to yell, but she doubted it even came out at all, because she was still breathless.

The vampire struggled over to her and forced her to her feet, even though the vamp was hardly standing himself. He wobbled and she braced him to keep him from collapsing.

They just stood there a while, gasping for air, way too exhausted to even speak.

"He’s not gettin’ up for a while, eh? "

Buffy looked to the vampire, who had rasped out the comment, still gaping for air needlessly. It was just a compulsive reaction the injured vamp had.

She still couldn’t speak, however, and just nodded her head to agree.

A few moments later she had finally gotten herself to speak, as if not wanting to be outdone by the demon.

"Nope, think he’s. . . getting his beauty sleep. "

She felt the vampire still braced against her jerk and freeze, and she looked up at him to see his expression a frozen picture of shock and pain. Confused and not understanding what was wrong, she finally spotted the problem as she shuttered with horror.

Suddenly, as if growing out of his chest, was a very long, thick, wooden arrow, clean through his back and out the other side. It looked to be right through his heart, or only millimeters away, because he still stood there, solid, rather than dust. Buffy honestly expected him to explode into dust in the next second, however-but instead he still stood there, a statue.

"Spike? " she rasped, darting her eyes about the forest to try and see were the arrow had come from, but uncertain about the condition of the vampire.

"Spike? "

She started shaking his shoulders.

"Wake up, Spike, wake up. You’re not dust. Wake up! "

Finally he showed some sign of life, or unlife, and started coughing. But Buffy quickly realized he was coughing up blood.

"Spike, Spike, snap out of it. . . oh, Hell. . . " she said and started cursing.

"Spike, you bastard, stop spewing blood, damn you! Don’t die on me here! "

He seemed to take no heed to her urgent demands.

"Stop it right now, Spike! Fuck. Spike! You can’t die after all that crap, you bastard-"

He was gasping pointlessly for air again, but this time, much more, as if hyperventilating, his whole chest heaving for the air he didn’t need and couldn’t reach.

"What the Hell is wrong with you, Spike? ! Stop it, don’t die! "

Buffy’s demands started to turn into shrieks, as she desperately tried anything to help him, completely unable to understand what was wrong-she was daubing the blood off him with cloth she’d ripped off of her ragged leggings, wondering how the hell to help a vampire breathe when he didn’t breathe.

She felt his ragged gasps start to calm, though, and she stopped yelling as much at him. But kept the cursing a steady flow.

"Jesus, Spike, snap out of it. Yeah, damnit, breathe, whatever the hell it is you do. We need to get this arrow out of you. "

The vampire finally showed signs of being able to speak again-he was whining, almost sounding terrified.

"Buffy. . . . atch. . . . helllllll. . . . it hurts. . . . . "

She was shushing him, still daubing blood off him, and he was calming, his breathing returning to a normal pace.

"Shh, shut up. I’m gonna get this fucking thing out of your chest. "

She started to wish the vamp hadn’t gained his ability to speak again, because he picked up a continuous whine.

"Oh bloody hell. . . . Buffy, that hurts. No, you’re not moving that arrow anywhere. Ah! " he gasped as she gave the arrow a testing tug.

"You bitch, don’t touch that thing! " he spat in pain.

She chuckled. "We need to get it out of you now, Spike. "

"Oh yeah, funny, huh? Funny that you’re trying to-aaaah! "

The vampire cursed violently at Buffy again.

"Ok, Spike, hang on. I’m gonna count to ten and snap this thing in two. "

"What? ! Get the hell away from me-"

She shoved her steak into his mouth, preventing him from speaking any further.

"Bite into this, it’ll help the pain. "

He moaned in fear as the Slayer began to count.

"One. . . . two. . . . . three. . . . "

The vamp couldn’t help but notice the steak was coated in blood-her blood. The taste filled his mouth. He grit into the wood, as the Slayer continued-

". . . . four. . . . five. . . . six. . . . "

SNAP!

Spike’s scream of pain was muffled by the steak. Buffy was glad it was there, as he started a steady stream of cursing again that would put a sailor to shame.

"Shut-up, Spike, I know I didn’t reach ten. It would of hurt a hell of a lot more if you were all tensed up. "

The vampire finally managed to spit out the steak.

"Bloody hell, you bitch-"

She tugged him up, dragging him to his feet, noticing the wound in his chest was bleeding a great deal.

"Damn. Spike, you’re loosing a lot of blood. "

He looked down at his wound, as if unable to comprehend that.

"Huh. That’s funny. . . " he said distantly, as if not caring much.

Buffy ripped off his leather jacket. He began to protest at the removal of his clothing. "Hey! What’re you doing, Slayer-" he said, while she turned it inside out and rolled it into a ball.

"Not what you’re thinking, " she quipped, unable to help but make the comment. He grinned devilishly, but soon his face contorted to a mask of pain again, as she pressed the cloth against his wound.

"Ow! Aah, crap. You make a lousy doctor. Beat me up, rip the bloody arrer outta me, now you’re trying to-"

"Stop wining. You’re going to need medical attention if you don’t want to pass out and stay that way for a month. "

"What? I don’t need no stupid human dip tinkering with-"

"Spike, you’ve been chewed on in a hundred places by vamps and you’re loosing more blood by the minute. I don’t know what the hell happened but it looked like that arrow came close to killing you. " she spat, pressing against the wound to enunciate her words.

"Ow, ow! You don’t have to bleedin’ kill me! Haven’t I suffered enough tonight? "

"Come on, I’m sick of your wining, " she said, and began to drag him along.

The injured vampire continued to protest all the while as Buffy forced him to march.

"Why the hell are you giving me this crap, Spike. Shut up! I come and save your ass so the least you can do is shut your mouth. "

"Oww! You might as well left me-I probably had a better chance with those demons the way you’re treating-ow! "

Buffy smiled with satisfaction as the vamp cried in pain.

\-------------------

"Wait just a moment, Buffy. " Giles interrupted Buffy’s story.

The Slayer was totally absorbed in the memory of her tale, so seemed confused when he halted her.

"What? "

"It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I’ve never heard of a vampire coughing up blood from a wound like you described. Almost as if he had internal bleeding or something. "

She shrugged. "Giles, I don’t know. But that’s what happened. If that arrow had been just one millimeter closer, he’d be dusted. Twisted fate let him live, but it seemed to still be damn rough on him. "

Giles still looked concerned. "It’s just so odd. . . . "

"Are you gonna let me finish talking, or what? "

He shook his head in apology. "I’m sorry, Buffy, please do continue. "

"Thank you. . . "

\-------------------

"Ah, just leave me, Slayer. You need to get fixed up yourself. "

Buffy regarded her own state of health for the first time that night. She had been quite beaten and ripped up by the battle, especially with that green demon and his mallet. . .

"I’m fine, Spike. If I leave you here it would be a piece of cake for any half-witted demon to wander up and kill you. "

"Oh, gee, thanks. I feel so much better, " he said sarcastically.

"It’s true. You’d be helpless. "

He snarled, annoyed at her. "Hey, I still got the fight left in me, Buf. You’d be surprised. "

"Well, spare me the show, O vicious Spike, slayer of his fellow demons. I wouldn’t want to dare provoke your wrath. " she said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

He growled, shoving at her, but she kept a firm hold on the cloth held to his chest.

"You can damn well just leave if you’re gonna treat me like that. " he spat.

"Shut up. I saved your ass, you moron. The least you can do is show-"

"Why the hell did you save my ass anyway? ! Just so you can beat me up later? "

She glared at him with a look that could kill any beast with a soul. Fortunately for Spike, that was something he lacked.

"Yeah, I guess so. So you better shut up and let me get you to a fucking hospital. " she said tersely, tired of the constant complaints from the injured vamp. He fell silent after that.

Buffy had no clue how long they had been traveling in the silence. Time seemed to have lost much meaning to her. But she knew after a while he had spoken again, obviously having thought about what he said, because he sounded sorry now.

"Hey, look. . . I guess. . . I’m being a little ungrateful sounding. Ah. . . I appreciate what you did out there. " he said nervously.

She shot him a sideways glance. "Are you apologizing? "

His face flickered with annoyment temporarily, but it faded again.

"Yeah, fine. I’m sorry, " he muttered, having to bite his tongue to keep from adding a bitter commentary on the end.

His blue eyes sought her own. "I mean it. I’m really glad you saved my ass. "

Buffy was taken aback at the sincerity of his apology, unaccustomed to dealing with an honest, non-bitter Spike.

"Um. . . " she stuttered,

"Right, uh, no biggie. I was lookin’ for some demons to beat up tonight anyway. You were just in the right place at the right time. "

Her brush-off of his apology only seemed to hurt him. She started getting angry again.

"Ow! " he yelled as she gave a shove forward.

"C’mon, we gotta hurry up, we’re wastin’ time. "

\-----------------

It was about two, maybe two thirty in the morning. The sun had yet to show signs of rising, it was still pitch-black out with the myriads of stars twinkling above. Quite a beautiful night, really.

But right now Buffy was completely oblivious to that beauty. She had other things on her mind.

Like the fact that she was totally, and utterly lost. The oak tree’s limbs stretched out to the black sky in all directions, skewed at odd, contorted angles as if writhing in pain as they praised the sky above them, begging it for the life-giving sunlight they used to turn into energy.

The longer the unlikely couple marched through the forest, the further Buffy’s anger built. How could she get lost like this? ! Everything looked the same. The same old damned trees, the same old damned bushes, the same old damned lights in the distance. They were getting nowhere in a hurry.

Spike had detected her growing annoyance and began to suspect for quite a while now that she was lost. He winced in pain as the Slayer’s grip on the jacket clenched and unclenched. The wound in his chest was throbbing now painfully, it felt like it was burning. His limbs began to burn as well and he imagined the Slayer didn’t feel so great likewise, eyeing her own wounds.

"Buffy, are we lost? " he finally asked, still fearing the response he’d get.

She actually snarled at him. Oh, yeah, she was pissed, all right. Despite the fear of getting further beaten by her, Spike couldn’t help but also be aroused by her throaty animal snarl.

"Finally said it, huh? " she spat scornfully.

"Well, Jeez, it’s not like it’s my fault. You’re the one getting us lo-"

Spike yelled as the Slayer shoved him to the ground.

"Oh, it’s not your fault, is it? ! " she screamed. The vampire was shocked at her fury.

"Buffy-"

"It’s not your fault for being so stupid you ran right into your demon friends and needed saving from your own fucking kind! It’s not your fault I nearly killed myself fighting off a mob as big as Manhattan! It’s not your fault-"

"Oh so now I’m being blamed for the fucking chip in my head? ! You think I want this thing-"

"No, I’m not blaming the chip on you! You don’t even need to go outside at night, you don’t hunt anymore! That’s just askin’ for trouble, you moron! You knew sooner or later some demon would pick you off! "

"What am I supposed to do, Buffy, sit and rot in my bloody crypt day and night ‘till you need my help? ! "

"I don’t ever need your help! " she spat fiercely.

"Is that right? Don’t need lil’ ole helpless Spike, rotten away down at his crypt? Why the hell you keep me alive then, Slayer? ! "

Buffy was about to scream back but Spike wouldn’t let her. He leapt to his feet and cut her off.

"No! Why the bloody hell do you do it? ! Why the bloody hell do you save me again and again? ! You-you-. . . . ‘He’s my punching bag’? ! What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean? ! "

He growled, shoving her, not wanting her to cut him off again.

"You think you own me? ! You think you got exclusive rights over who gets to beat me up? ! Why the hell won’t you let me die if that’s what’s gonna happen, Slayer? ! "

Her eyes burned pure hatred, as she finally got her response in.

"I should of left you with them, let you die, Spike. Screw that, I should of staked you the first chance I got! Bastard! " she screamed, shoving him to the ground again, but this time the vampire grabbed her so he brought her down with him.

"You want me dead then, Slayer, eh? " he hissed maliciously in her ear. She jerked and struggled in his grip.

"Fine! You want a fight? ! You want me dead so bad? ! You’ll get a fight, Buffy! "

The two began rolling around on the floor, biting, scratching, wrestling, whatever the hell they could do to hurt each other. Mr. Chip began to do it’s work, sending flames of searing pain through Spike’s body, but he didn’t care anymore. He wanted her dead, dead, dead, even if that meant killing himself. If she fucking well didn’t want him, and she still fucking well wanted to keep him alive-there was only one way to get rid of the pain. Buffy needed to die.

Buffy fought back mercilessly, knowing full well that every bit of pain Spike inflicted upon her was getting paid back double for him. Add the big wound he had, and she had an enormous advantage, it seemed.

He bravely fought her tooth and nail, however, despite the electricity leaping through his body. Things started to get black and fuzzy, like he was drifting from reality. He still tore and fought with all his strength, even as he felt himself drifting away. He would give her a fight. He’d go out fighting. No bloody chip in his head was going to stop him, and no bloody crush was going to reduce him to a pathetic, helpless creature.

If he couldn’t have Buffy in life, than at least he could have her in death.

\-------------------

Coming back to reality was a long trip, it seemed. A long and painful trip. The vampire moaned in pain, not wanting to still be alive.

Die, damnit, he thought, trying to will himself into death that seemed to be hovering so near him. Merciful death. Yes. End the pain.

But no. He slowly came to his senses, the pain driving him back to reality. If he felt like crap then, he felt like shit now. Breathe, he told himself. In. Out. In. Out. He could feel himself breathing, feel his heart pounding in his chest.

Wait. No. He didn’t have a heartbeat. Spike was confused a moment. Then he realized the heart that was pounding belonged to Buffy. Oh.

Buffy.

He stirred, trying to fully alert himself. Buffy-Jesus. She was still alive.

"Buf. . . . ? "

He smelled blood. Lots of it. From both him and the Slayer. It seemed to be everywhere. He felt her erratic heartbeat pounding, her injured body putting off body heat. He couldn’t quite see anything yet, though. Damn it! Wake up, Spike, he told himself.

He tasted blood. Her blood. Hell! Did he feed from her? Spike started to panic.

"Buffy? "

Relief flooded over him as he heard the Slayer mumble and stir. Yes, she was alive still.

But for how long?

"Buffy, wake up, " he said, his voice rough and quiet, but with an obvious note of urgency.

Slowly she came to as well.

"Spike. . . " she muttered, pleasing the vampire a great deal to hear her say his name.

"Shh, shh, I’m here, Luv. Just take your time waking up, " he muttered softly, without really thinking.

"Spike. " she said again, this time with something else in her voice. Realization.

"You all right? " he asked her, coming to his senses enough to realize they were tangled together on the ground still. They must of both blacked out, he realized. Too exhausted to fight any further.

"I don’t know, Spike. I. . . I can’t feel my legs. "

Had she actually sounded frightened? It had been so long since he heard her voice like that. He shuttered, his vampiric senses thriving on the detection of fear.

Shut up, he told himself. This is Buffy.

"Don’t worry, Luv. We’re gonna get you to a hospital. Fix you up good n’ proper, all right? "

"Spike, I don’t think we may be able to do that. "

After a beat of silence, "What do you mean? "

Spike thought she chuckled dryly, because he could feel her body shaking.

"Spike, I really can’t feel my legs. I’m not in good shape at all. I don’t think you are, either. "

Spike tried hard to concentrate on figuring out how bad he was hurt. It had been a while since he’d felt this bad. He knew if he had been mortal he would of been dead long ago. The wound in his chest no longer was pounding in pain-that was good, right? In fact, he didn’t feel that bad at all. He hardly even hurt, he thought.

"Buffy, I don’t think I’m that bad. The pain, I can hardly feel it. I’m gonna get you to a hospital, " he repeated.

Buffy was smiling. Spike realized he finally seemed to be getting his vision back, since he was able to take notice of that detail.

"Spike. . . you can’t feel the pain because you’re past it. You’re paralyzed. "

She seemed almost amused by all of this. Amused at how sweet he was acting, trying to be hopeful and all. Spike furrowed his brow, thinking about her words.

Bloody hell. She was right. He couldn’t move.

"Shit. . . "

Buffy smiled again, hearing the vampire cuss as he realized the truth to her statement.

"I can’t move either, Spike. . . and I’ve lost a lot of blood. . . . we both have. " she said in a very detached matter, as if she was making a simple observation.

"Hell, Buffy, we can’t just sit here. C’mon, we got to get up. The sun’ll rise soon. "

She sighed. "Spike, you’re not listening to me. It doesn’t matter-" she chuckled again- "It damn well doesn’t matter because-" she laughed before finishing merrily- "we’ll both be dead before sunrise! "

Spike stayed deathly quiet after that. Fuck. She was right. They were gonna die.

No. No, they weren’t.

"No, Buffy, I refuse to accept that. You hear me? I refuse it. "

She chuckled again, and it was starting to piss Spike off. It reminded him of Dru’s insane giggling.

"It’s not funny, Buffy! You’re laying in the ground with a vampire you hate to hell! You’re the Slayer! You have a job to do! You can’t just die! "

He was panting, exhausted already just from that short outburst. Oh, shit. He was loosing energy that fast?

"Buffy, get up. We are not going to lay down and die. You hear me? We’re not going to give up. What about. . . . what about your mum and sister? You can’t leave them. "

He seemed to finally strike a cord in her. Buffy sniffed. Her voice came soft and uneven.

"She’d. . . . . she wouldn’t be happy. . . . Dawn. . . . . nobody would protect her. . . "

"That’s right! You got to get up for them. For the sake of your family at least, if not your slaying duties. "

"I. . . . I can’t, Spike, I just can’t. I can’t feel anything. "

"Yes, you can. Buffy-get up. "

"I can’t! "

Spike growled. "Buffy, what the hell is up with you? I’ve never known you to give up like this! You’re just going to die then, is that it? Without ever even killing me? "

Something seemed to click in the Slayer’s mind. Spike could see it in her eyes.

"You’re right, damnit. What am I doing sitting around? Let’s get the hell outta here, Spike. "

The vampire smiled, before Buffy finished-

"Let’s get the hell out of here so I can beat the crap out of you for ever getting us into this mess. "

"Fine. Whatever. Just move. Get your ass off me. "

"Hah, didn’t think I’d ever hear you say that. "

Spike quickly looked at her after her comment. Shoot. Why couldn’t she just keep her sly comments to herself, she scolded.

"Luv, if this were any other situation. . . "

"Don’t say it, Spike. Just move. "

\------------------

Four o’ clock or so in the morning, and the sky began to lighten from midnight black to a shade of dark, dark navy blue. The sun was beginning to rise. Robins began to sing their rich songs from all over Sunnydale.

Pushing, pulling, and shoving along, a vampire and a Slayer were literally dragging each other to keep themselves moving. Sometimes Buffy would be more of the puller, but other times she’d go weak and Spike would be the one helping her. This had been going on like this for quite some time, as you can see. Both were still drenched in blood from their own wounds and growing very weak and faint. But they carried on, talking to each other sometimes, cursing or saying soft words of encouragement, and everything in between, just to keep each other conscious and sane. At some points they even chit-chatted like old-time friends or something, keeping a steady stream of amusing banter.

"Lovely morning for a stroll, I say. "

"Yes, very nice. Think I see Jupiter over there. "

"Nah, that’s just a city light. "

"Is it? How come we’re going away from it then? Shouldn’t we be going towards the city? "

"I fancy we should. I was just following you. "

"Well Jesus, I was just following you. "

"How you ‘spose we could be followin’ each other? Wouldn’t that mean we go in circles or somethin’? "

"I guess so, eh? "

They laughed. "Better swap directions then, huh? "

"Hell, we’ve been going this way for an hour or so, might as well keep going this way. "

"Well what good is that if it’s only goin’ deeper into the forest? "

"I figure we have about a 50-50 chance of it being the right way, right? But if we turn around now we’ll just have enough time to get back to were we started. So might as well go the whole haul since we started it. "

"I like your logic. Makes perfect sense to me. "

Spike chuckled. "Been hanging around me too long, then, Luv. Vampires don’t know a speck about livin’, from what I’m told. "

As they traveled, however, it started to become more and more clear that their situation was rather hopeless. They stopped talking as much, saving their energy to keep breathing and dragging along.

"I say. . . . Buffy. . . . "

"What? "

"I’m beginning to think we should of tried your plan instead. . . . "

"A little late for that now, isn’t it? "

"Yeah. . . . I know. "

After about five minutes, Buffy faltered and ceased moving.

"Buf? Hey, c’mon. Gotta keep movin’. . . " Spike said, growing restless. He could feel the sun rising. He could feel it in his blood, smell it, long before humans could detect it.

When he didn’t get any response, his feverish mind grew annoyed with her.

"Buffy, stop being lazy. Get your pretty little ass in gear. "

"Shut-up, Spike, " she snapped in a very raspy voice. Hah. Got her talking.

"Buf, the sun’s coming. If we don’t keep moving your ole chummie Spike’s gonna be nothing more than a spot of fertilizer on the lawn. "

"Just lemme rest a minute. . . . " she said driftingly.

"Buf. . . . " Spike said,

"C’mon. . . . you know if we stop moving we’re not gonna start again. "

She shook her head No, with apparently a lot of her strength.

"Just one minute, Spike. I promise. I’ll start up again. Got to catch my breath. "

Spike was getting worried.

"C’mon, Luv. Please? We got to keep going. We got to. " he begged with her, switching his tactics. But she started to go limp in his arms.

"Buffy? Buffy! " he said, quickly panicking, and feeling pinpricks of tears at his eyes. What the hell was wrong with him? Vampires don’t cry.

Her response was slow and strained. "Spike. . . just wanna rest a minute. . . don’t get yourself into a tussy over it. . . . "

"Buffy, " Spike whispered, gathering her into a hug, despite how it hurt his stinging wounds.

"Don’t leave me. . . " he begged softly, hearing the Slayer sigh almost like a sleepy child. She sounded so innocent and pure, happy as she spoke to him.

"It’s ok, Spike. . . . don’t worry, Luv. . . . I’m not leaving anywhere without you, see. . . . "

The vampire shut his eyes, letting the tears fall on to her head.

"Don’t worry, my Luv. . . . . " she mumbled. "We’ll go together, see. . . . "

The vampire shuttered as fear and grief overtook him. He kissed her forehead and sobbed shamelessly.

"Buffy. . . . please. . . . I don’t want you to leave. . . . I’ll never forgive myself if you go. . . . "

"It’s ok, Spike. . . . . I don’t mind. "

"No, " he cried, "I’ll never be able to live with myself, knowing I killed the Slayer, " he said, hardly able to believe those words were coming from him.

"You have family, Buffy. . . . friends. I don’t have anything. It doesn’t madder if I die. But you. . . . "

After a few sobs, he finished-

"You. . . . you’ll die and I’ll live, Buf. I’m Immortal. We won’t go out together. It’s not right, damnit. I should be the one to-"

Buffy shushed the vampire she clung to, stroking his cheek.

"It’s ok, Spike. . . . " she said soothingly. "I don’t mind. I’m a Slayer, Luv. I’m supposed to die by the demon’s hand. It’s my legend. "

"But bloody hell! Not like this! Not this way, Buffy! "

She continued to softly stroke his cheek. "Spike, I’d be honored to die by the whim of William the Bloody. " she said softly.

The vampire was phased a moment by this, genuinely touched. He felt like his unlife suddenly had meaning to it, true and real meaning, brought to him by those few words. It really made him feel like he had a purpose again.

Buffy would be honored to die by his whim.

But then he shook his head. "No, Buf. You’re delusional. You’re getting faint, you’re not thinking straight. I’d love to think you’re telling the truth, but you can’t be. . . . " his voice teetered out as he started to feel rather faint and weak as well.

Tears continued to roll down his face unchecked. He wasn’t paying attention to them anymore, though. He wasn’t paying much attention to anything. He was just fading.

"Buffy. . . . " he whispered, knowing that he didn’t have much time left. His gut told him the sun would be up anytime now.

At first he feared she had already gone unconscious and left him, but then her delayed response came.

". . . . . yeah. . . . Spike. . . . "

He closed his eyes and swallowed. "I love you, you know. "

He felt her nod against him. "I know. "

His throat burned with pain at her answer. Of course she wasn’t going to say it back. What was he thinking?

But then she did.

"I. . . . love you too. "

Spike’s world seemed to stop at those words. But the world was set into motion again as his doubts returned, delayed due to the fact he was dying. . .

Most likely the rantings of a delusional mind, he reminded himself. Of course.

But it’s nice to pretend, just for now. In this moment, that she can love him. And that she does. It’s nice to pretend, anyway. . .

He kissed her tear-stained head again.

"I love you, " he whispered again, fear of death and pain of loosing her sinking into him again. "We could of been quite a team, Buf. . . " he said sadly.

She didn’t answer him. He knew she was still alive-he could hear her stuttering heartbeat still, her ragged breathing. It was slowing, though.

The darkness began to close around his mind. He stopped feeling the warmth of her body that he was wrapped so tightly around. He stopped feeling his legs, his arms. . . . her breath on his cheek. . . . the cold tears rolling down his face. . . .

As the fuzzy blackness closed in and his world faded, he heard her speak again. He was surprised she was talking again. He was sure she had already said her last words and was on her way out now.

For a moment he panicked, because he couldn’t hear her. He was going to miss her last bloody words! God, that would really suck. What an ending that would make. But she repeated herself a bit louder this time and he managed to make it out. . . .

"Sing to me, Spike. . . "

Sing? His disoriented and failing mind tried to make sense of the words. She wanted him to sing to her?

"Buf, Luv, I’m afraid I’m not very good at singing. . . " Spike said faintly, completely unable to think up a single tune for her.

She said a single word.

". . . . anything. . . . . "

Spike focused every last fiber of his being, every last capable brain cell to come up with a song for Buffy. He smiled sadly as he thought of one song. He softly sang it, his cracked and dying voice hardly hitting the tunes, just barely. . . . but Buffy recognized the song and she smiled.

". . . how much is that dog, in the window? The one with the waggly tail. . . . "

Her mother used to sing that to her in bed. She remembered that. She always loved that song. Never went to sleep without her mum singing it for her.

". . . how much is that dog, in the window. . . . ? " Spike sang.

He fell silent after that, blacking out. Buffy finished it on a cracked note.

"I do hope. . . . that dog’s. . . . . for sale. "

\---------------------

Giles snuffled loudly, dabbing his eyes with a Kleenex and apologizing.

"I’m sorry, Buffy, I shouldn’t interrupt. "

Buffy looked up at her Watcher, smiling softly.

"It’s ok, Giles. I don’t mind. "

"It’s just so. . . oh, I apologize. . . I’m light of heart. . . . "

He blew his nose on the Kleenex.

"Don’t you want to know how Spike’s doing? You never even asked. "

The Slayer shrugged. "Sure. How’s he doing, Giles? "

"Well. . . he was pretty much as bad shape as you were, Buffy. But we patched him up and everything. He recovered quickly with the proper medical attention, just like you did. "

She nodded. "Good to hear. "

Giles looked at her with confusion. "Is that all? ‘Good to hear’? That’s all you care? "

She shrugged again. "Giles, I was dizzy, I was delusional. I said just about anything to keep my mind off of dying so I could stay alive. It doesn’t mean everything I said was true. " she explained to the crestfallen looking Watcher.

Giles nodded. "I understand, Buffy. Well, thank God you’re still with us. Oh, your mom just got here a few minutes ago. Shall I send her in now? "

Buffy nodded. "Yes. "

\---------------------

Buffy did not stay long in the hospital. They let her go home the next day. Her mother hovered about her a while, as usual, in that protective way mothers always do, but soon she had settled down again. Buffy was back, and to stay, just like always.

She didn’t speak to Spike after that-peeked into his room in the hospital to see him sleeping, and then left. She held off patrolling for a while, of course, to fully recover. Her friends just took over the patrol for a while. She gladly let them. She had such good, supportive friends.

It was about a week or more later that she went out patrolling with her friends again. She still didn’t see any signs of Spike, however, and quite frankly wanted it that way. She spent a great deal of time forgetting about what happened and thinking about it just disturbed her. So she shoved it out of her mind and went on with her normal life, happily.

But it slowly did pick away at her in the back of her mind, of course. Nobody could help that. She was only human, after all. Things just couldn’t be forgotten like that. And Buffy knew that. She knew that sometime she was going to have to confront the memories and acknowledge them, find a way to accept and deal with them.

That time came one evening, about a month or so after the event. Buffy had felt especially restless that day and she was now pacing in her dark room, the light from the full moon spilling in through her window. She had been thinking a lot about Spike the past week, especially at night. Now she made her decision. She quietly left her house, not wanting to wake her mother or her sister.

The Slayer made her way to Spike’s crypt, a path she knew so well by now. She had come here many times to beat on the defenseless vampire, to blow off steam and try to blame all her problems on him. She had secretly enjoyed that more than she was willing to admit, as well as the colorful banter the two had always shared, their unique relationship. She still had despised and loathed him, but she was having a good time doing it, too.

But that was before Spike had to go and profess his love to her. That changed everything. She was repulsed and disgusted beyond belief-it took her as a total shock.

And she had been furious with him. How dare he fall in love with her? That just wasn’t the way things were supposed to work.

And then. . . a month ago, she had made some hasty decisions that lead her to several wrong turns. She should never of charged that group of vamps-there was way too many. Then she should of left Spike there rather than insisting that he come with her. She could of left and gotten help for him. He’d probably still be there when she got back.

And then, of course, she shouldn’t have tried to kill him when they both were already so weak. That was the stupid decision that finished off their evening of stupid decisions.

But, that’s the way things went, and here she was, still alive, and approaching Spike’s crypt. She knocked softly but there was no response. Not like she had really expected there to be.

So she quietly opened the door (as so not to make it squeak) and peered into the room. Candlelight bounced off the cold walls at odd angles, giving the whole place and eerie, creepy glow.

"Spike? " she called tentatively, stepping in the doorway.

She suddenly felt really nervous, her stomach knotting into a ball. She tried to calm herself by mentally scolding herself. C’mon, Buf, it’s just Spike. No biggie. You gotta talk to him sometime about this.

"Spike? " she called nervously again, stepping past the threshold into the room and lightly shutting the door behind her.

"Come on in, Slayer. "

Buffy jumped as she heard Spike’s voice. Jesus, he scared her!

The vampire chuckled good-naturally, and Buffy spotted were he was standing in the shadows. Or perhaps it wasn’t in good nature. Buffy found it hard to tell with him.

"Don’t be frightened, Luv. I’m as harmless as a puppy-dog, remember? "

She caught his eye as he said that, uncertain of whether he realized how his words brought the memories crashing back down on her. Ah-he just realized now, because she saw the look in his eyes change.

"Oh. Sorry about that, . . . " he muttered, looking rather awkward now.

She shook her head. "S’ok. I came here. . . to talk about that. "

The vampire took a tentative step forward, still looking very awkward.

"Well. . . " he started, not knowing what to say about it.

"I figured, you know. . . we’d need to talk about it sometime. " she said reasonably. He nodded in agreeance.

"That makes sense. "

They looked at each other, quiet. The painful silent moment stretched on and intensified until Spike couldn’t take it,

"Well, bloody hell. What am I supposed to say about it? "

Buffy shrugged, relieved he had said something.

"I have no idea. "

He frowned. "Want to watch some TV or something then, while you figure it out? "

She shrugged again. "Sure. "

\----------------------

After being enthralled in an episode of The Simpsons and taking turns nit-picking it, the bleach-blonde vampire finally started talking serious.

"So. . . I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, I guess. . . " he started off over the top of a Walmart commercial. "I kinda tried to picture this day, you know, figure out exactly what to say to you. "

Truth be told, the vampire had been obsessing over the occurrence ever since he left the hospital. But he wasn’t stupid-he knew Buffy needed time to think about it. He was afraid of scaring her off again after several already-brutal rejections. She was damn sensitive and unwilling to see his side of things. Spike had nearly driven himself crazy wondering what the recent events could mean, how much of it was really Buffy and how much was just . . . insane rambling. But he kept a lid on it and kept quiet about it until now, when she was ready for it.

"I’ve sort of been trying to not think about it, to tell you the truth. . . " the Slayer admitted, wondering were this conversation was leading, because she hadn’t the foggiest.

"Well. . . I figured maybe I ought to thank you, at least. You know, for risking life and limb an’ all that. . . even if I was just in the right place at the right time, " he said sort of darkly. Oh. Did those words still hurt him so much?

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. . . you’re welcome, I guess. . . "

He seemed to misunderstand this, his eyes flashing hopefully. "I am? "

"No, not in my house, if that’s what you think. . . Spike, it’s just a phrase. "

His expression visually sunk. "Oh. "

Buffy was getting tired of the nervous silence. She wanted to patch this up quickly. Honestly, she had planned on a longer conversation, a slightly more kindly one, considering what they’ve been through, but she was growing impatient and nervous. She didn’t want him getting the wrong ideas. Heck. He shouldn’t have any ideas. They were mortal enemies, that’s the way it should stay. Nice and simple.

"Spike, I mostly came here just to clarify, of course, that I wasn’t in a proper state-of-mind while I was injured. . . "

The vampire looked down. He had feared this was what she was going to do. Just brush off what happened like an annoying flea off her back. Like it meant absolutely nothing to her. Deny again and again that there was anything between them. Anything.

"Is that just it then? " he asked with frustration, growing impatient as well.

"What do you mean? "

"Thank you, you’re welcome, bye-bye Spike! " he said, gesturing a wave.

"What do you want me to say? "

The restless demon got up to pace.

"What I want you to say. . . what I want you to do is admit something. You’re just trying to brush this off like it was nothing. At all. "

"Well, Spike, that’s because it is nothing. . . "

He turned quickly to look at her. "No, no. See, I’m sick of you trying to do that. I saw you-" he said, growing angry,

"I was there, so don’t think you can just deny that everything that happened meant not a crumb to you! That you’ve forgotten about it like some bad dream! "

He frustrated voice bounced off the old crypt walls.

"Spike. . . " Buffy started again.

"What, " he said sharply, sitting back on the couch, facing her.

"What is it? Because if it’s just another brush-off, I don’t wanna hear it, ok, Slayer? I’m sick of being treated like a nothing! "

Buffy matched his harsh gaze at a standoff. He seemed to be daring her to try and worm her way out of it.

Jesus, she shouldn’t have to take orders from him! He was the vampire and she was the Slayer, for Christ’s Sake!

"Spike, you’re going to have to accept it. I don’t know how long it’ll take, but goddamnit, let go of it. It meant, " she said, clearly enunciating her words,

"Nothing. "

The vampire just stared at her for a moment. Then he got up and was pacing the room again, as the TV continued to play as the background noise. Buffy hoped his spirit was cracked so he’d give up quickly. She really wasn’t in the mood for a fight, vocal or otherwise.

"Nothing, huh, " he muttered to himself, seeming to work up steam as he paced. The way he said that suddenly made Buffy nervous.

"Absolutely nothing. "

She nodded. "Right. "

"All that stuff about wanting to go out together? Just. . . ranting? "

"Uh-huh. . . "

"Being honored to die at my whim? "

She paused a moment, just because she realized how much of his heart seemed to be in the question. She ought to know how much she’s breaking before she breaks it, right? "Delusional mumbling. " she answered.

"And your only reason for going up against a mob of demons outrageously outnumbered, rushing them without even giving it second thoughts, and then insisting to drag me halfway through the entire forest with you, rather than leaving me to crawl off on my own, " he said, actually having to take a breath to continue his long sentence, "and than laying down and insisting we die together, was all just because you were bored that night? "

"Well, the dying-together part was because I was delusional. . . " she pointed out, not really making her case sound better. Spike gave her a look.

"Besides that, then. You did all that because you were bored. What’s the madder, Buffy, nothing good out on video? " he spat.

"Just some really gory horror flicks, " she quipped back perkily.

His ice-cold eyes were watching her, boring holes into her head, it felt like. He wasn’t very pleased, but he was trying to keep his temper in check.

"And why watch those when you can go out and make them in real life, eh? " he said, forcing himself to rebuttal her stupid comment rather than loose it.

"Exactly. "

"Makes sense. Same kind of logic I used when I could kill stuff, " he reasoned, carefully watching her expression. It flickered momentarily with something else before she carefully put her mask of indifference on again.

He turned to pace again, hardly able to contain himself so he wouldn’t go screaming in her face again. How could she even dare to sit here and tell him such obvious lies? Did she really take him as that stupid?

And most importantly, what the bloody hell could he do about it? If he yelled, she got pissed off. If he reasoned with her, she flat-out denied the obvious. It was a no-win situation.

"All right, fine, Buffy. You win. But there’s still one last question you never answered, " he growled.

She looked at him expectedly, so he dished it out.

"Why the bloody hell don’t you just kill me, Slayer? "

She shrugged. "You’re harmless. "

"Oh, yeah, sure. Harmless. You can’t use that one anymore, " he pointed out angrily, knowing she knew what he meant. She bit her lower lip.

"Well. . . "

"And why were you screamin’ your bloody head off at me when I was tryin’ to die, you know? If I didn’t know any better you sounded scared, Buffy. But not scared for your life, " he said, still pacing the room, but always keeping his eyes on her.

She glared menacingly at him. "Spike-"

"I know what you’re gonna say, so you might as well not even bother, " he snapped. "Now let me finish, damnit. "

She crossed her arms and watched him with that pissed-off expression. Talk before I rip your head off, it said.

"I can see this is a vicious circle we’ve been running in for quite a while. And can only see one real way to get a clear answer, " he said.

He grabbed a wooden steak from his stash, considering tossing it to her, but instead approaching her on the couch again and handing it to her.

"If you kill me, than I’ll believe what you’re telling me. " he said, his eyes staring into hers daringly.

"That I mean nothing, and you just keep me around for a few laughs. But if you can’t. . . "

"Spike, that doesn’t necessarily mean-" she began angrily, and he just watched her. She had expected him to interrupt her, but he did not, so she had to continue.

"That doesn’t necessarily mean. . . that just because I don’t kill you, that I have feelings for you, " she said, disgusted as she said the word,

"But I do mean something, then, don’t I? " he challenged.

"How do you figure that? "

"Because you’re not going to kill me. "

Buffy hesitated. Damn. He had her there.

"All right, fine. Yeah. Yeah, you’re something. You’re . . . " she searched for the words to label him in the most degraded manner.

"Your punching bag? " he offered seriously.

She nodded. "Yeah, that’s it. You’re my punching bag. You happy now, Spike? "

He looked at her exasperated. "Is that it? You can’t bloody well afford your own punching bag? "

"Not one that says Ow and threatens to fight back, " she said.

"At least real punching bags don’t fall in love with their tormentors, " he hissed, succeeding at last to break Buffy’s cool.

"And that’s supposed to help your case? ! "

"Yeah. It is. You’re so pissed at me, so brutally disgusted, why don’t you just give up? Is it really worth it keepin’ me around? I don’t see how you figure it is, " he said, growing angry, voice raising.

"Why . . . do you bloody well play with me, Slayer? Play with my mind, keep me alive but threaten to kill me every day? Why do you torment me like this? Why the bloody hell do you get so pissed off when somebody else is beatin’ on your ole pal Spike? You are possessive over me, Buffy, that’s what you are. For some damn reason, you think I’m yours. "

She had a rebuttal all ready but the vampire wouldn’t let her get a word in.

"I’m your bloody punching bag, you scream, a bloody punching bag that’s driving you crazy, and yet you gladly risk your bleedin’ life to save it! "

He grabbed her fist with the steak in it, pressing the point into his chest.

"You’re supposed to have a soul, right? Well have some bleedin’ mercy then and kill me now, if that’s what you damn well want to do! "

Buffy stared at him. His eyes begged her silently. He was serious about this.

"Spike . . . you don’t really want me to kill you. " she said quietly.

"Yes, I do, Buffy. "

Buffy was shaking her head, and he tightened his grip on her fist.

"Buffy. I would be . . . honored. To die at your whim. "

She stared back at him in shock. She tried to speak, but the words did not come. She couldn’t.

Their eyes were locked, Spike still holding the steak Buffy held to his chest. Speak, speak, speak, damnit!

"I . . . " Buffy stammered, the breath catching in her throat. She was overtaken by the sincerity of the vampire’s request.

"I can’t, " she finally managed to say.

Spike looked crestfallen. His spirit was truly cracked this time.

"Don’t want to loose your punching bag, huh? " he asked bitterly.

She shook her head. Spike thought it was because she thought he was being stupid. He sighed a quivering sigh, looking down.

"No, " she said.

"I don’t want to loose Spike. . . "

His blue eyes whipped back up to look at her after her statement. Questioning.

She could only nod. Yes.

Yes. She said yes. Buffy Summers had said yes.

A tiny smile of hope formed on the vampire’s lips.

In the background, the TV droned on.


End file.
